in Humour

Why This Diwali Sucks! (For me and for all 20 somethings)

This is not a click bait title. No, I am not going to prove that this Diwali is supremely awesome by negation. This Diwali sucks! It does for me and most probably for you too.

If you had time and a taste for practicality, maybe you could have realised it as well. But I presume you are flowing along with the deluge of emotions, nostalgia, and advertising induced euphoria. To cut through all of this, I think I may need to elaborate as to why it sucks. Read along:

1. The Tickets!

Choose any of the modes – bus, train, flight, boat, kayak, glider, roller skates. I have checked it all. Either it is out of availability or out of aukaat. But hey, Diwali comes once a year, so let us not be misers! Let us book a ticket to our homes at 5 times the price.
After all, why do we earn – to burn it along with the ‘sutli’ bomb you will light and not post about it on social media. Because, Environment!

Why do you think Ram Ji returned to Ayodhya by foot?!

2. The date!

It falls on the 30th of October. Extreme month end. It could have been easily a couple of days off.

But hey, God screws us in mysterious ways!

These online shopping guys have been on Prozac since the month barely started. First, they had the annual sale; then they had the spillover sale then they are having a Diwali special sale. I have purchased more toasters this month than I ever did sliced bread.

3. Sunday!

First, the 30th and to top it, on a Sunday! Diwali is one festival where almost all the employees get leave more than they or the festival deserves.
But, this year is special. Since Diwali is on Sunday, the monthly targets and tasks would be wrapped up on Friday. That’s a ruined Dhanteras up your excel sheet, right there.
Weekends are already off, anyways. And we are back on Monday. Sky-high flight prices for a 2 day holiday with lead-heavy eyes Monday – That’s a vacation all of us dream of.

4. Durga Puja!

The month began with it. It was the first festival after a long break. So you opened your wallet and spent like you should in festivals. Little did you observed that it was just the starter, the main course was still there. You filled you festive plate with so much Durga Puja that you barely had the appetite or the budget left for Diwali.

5. Family!

This is what festivals are all about – Family and Friends. But in reality it is much more than that. It is about enduring the self-centered Mausa Ji whose son is in a government job and how that is life and yours is not. It is also about the nosy neighbour who even knows your girlfriend’s caste and has already told your mom she isn’t right for you. And it is about your marriage as well.

Marriage is a factor of your age, your elder cousin’s number of kids, your mom’s hyperbolic monologues and your appraisal cycle.

6. This one’s personal.

Even after all this, men are driven by emotions (well, primarily by women but sometimes by emotions as well). As emotional beings, we want to celebrate this by doing nothing with our parents and family, not alone.
Especially when you see everybody leaving for their homes with enthusiasm and you are left behind, ranting about it.

This weekend, I will be watching my society kids celebrate Diwali. Bitch-ass-broke. If you are in Mumbai and broke. Well, we are pretty much both screwed.