in Opinion

How to Royally Screw-up Your Team (In Just 5 Steps)

Through my short and eventful career, I have been fortunate and unfortunate enough to work and observe different teams within an organization. I have witnessed people leading from the front, standing up for their guys and building up amazing teams. And then I have seen few royally screwing up.

Since you can find innumerable literature on how to build great teams, I won’t touch upon that. Let the experts handle it. What I will tell you, from my innate power of observation is, How to royally screw up a team.

There are 5 steps in doing so. Even though, in no particular order, if you follow them all I can guarantee you a pretty much fucked up team at the other end of it.

Step 1: Be the Hero (Narcissist) no one deserves (wants)

It’s pretty cool if you are the guy who saves the day, that’s what leaders are meant for. Don’t stop just there. Stand on the desk and yell, that it was you because of whom the job got done.

Step 2: Talk about the Bigger Picture (fluff) always.

Having a holistic view of things is, in fact, one of the must have qualities of a leader/ manager. So, when your guy asks about his leave due next week, explain to him the company’s vision. Simple.

Step 3: (Micro) Managing till the last mile and beyond.

Brake – clutch – steer – clutch – gear – clutch – brake – steer!!!!! Remember your dad teaching you to drive. I think you got my point.

Step 4: Not have a life (nor let your team have one)

Humans, by nature, are social animals. Huh? Naah. Your team members aren’t! If you aren’t a social guy, how could they (who follow your orders) can be? Total crap, I tell you.

Step 5: The credit is yours (target is theirs)

Have the spark to grab the credit for your (and your team’s) achievement. But when that spark turns into fire (targets), take that fire and put it into your team’s posteriors. That is the only way to get those dummies to work!

This is a sure-shot-to-screwup. I assure you. I have seen meticulously formed teams get screwed up like the cork on a wine bottle, when their managers followed these 5 simple steps. Mind you, in no particular order, yet supremely effective.